May 29 2013
I just received my latest cancer test results. They show that I’m still in the ‘faintly positive’ range. That means I still have a little bit of cancer in me. A part of me would love to be declared ‘cancer free’ so that I can completely relax about it. But another part of me, my Big Soul Self, LIKES that I still have a little bit of cancer!
It is the kick in the can(cer) that’s keeping me awake, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and motivated to savor this sweet life. Every day I have two small squares of rich, creamy, high quality dark chocolate (sweetened with a healthy sweetener). I let each bite slowly, sensually melt in my mouth and try to make it last as long as I can. I’m savoring my life in that same way: feasting my eyes on Tom’s sweet face, luxuriating in my time with him and loved ones, not taking anyone or anything for granted.
I’ve heard of people who’ve had a near-death experience that ignited in them a more vivid sense of joy and appreciation of life. Yet as time goes by, for many of them, that vivid aliveness begins to fade. Mine is not fading – that little bit of cancer is keeping me wide awake! How perfect is that?!
When I view this as the perfect design of my soul, it helps me relax into it, trusting that higher forces are at work here. That feels so much better than thinking that I’ve screwed up somehow, that I’m doomed, that I’m just unlucky.
My soul is in charge. I’m right where I’m supposed to be. That’s the story I’m telling myself, and I know that the story we tell ourselves has a powerful impact on our bodies and beings. Einstein said: “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.”
That decision affects us on a physical level; when we trust the universe, it helps us relax, which enhances our life AND our immune system. Fearing and distrusting the universe stresses us, and suppresses our immune system. Therefore, relaxing about having cancer can help heal it! And the only way I can relax about cancer is by trusting that it is all perfectly part of the grand plan of my higher self.
In addition, when I perceive my cancer as a soul-generated growth opportunity, I am filled with awe and respect for the courage of my Powerful, Wow-erful Big Soul Self! I ask myself, “Who ARE you!?” I always thought I was the world’s biggest fraidy cat, but I’ve discovered that the soul that I am is a rip-roaring, bad-ass Lionness! One day when I was appreciating the perfection of it all, my Lionness enthusiastically exclaimed to Tom: “I’m so happy to have cancer!” That spontaneous declaration surprised us BOTH!
With this little bit of cancer I have no physical pain, and, to be sure, if I were suffering with pain or chemo and radiation (like I did 3 years ago) I would not be such a happy cancer camper. (I’m not a fan of physical suffering – saint I ain’t!)
But right here, right now, I am alive and thriving. And, no matter how much time I have, I know that, just like with chocolate, it’s the quality that counts, not the quantity.
Are you having challenges in your life? How is it perfect? How is it all part of the grand plan of your courageous, magnificent Big Soul Self?