Tag Archive 'love'

Feb 09 2010

Miracle Marriage by Janet Jacobsen, her first eBook

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Here is my new e-book, Miracle Marriage — A Transformational Journey to Love, Joy & Intimacy.

Miracle Marriage ebookIt is a not so minor miracle that I am married! My husband Tom and I have been thriving in our relationship for over ten years. I still pinch myself and wonder, “Is this really my life?” It is so different now from what it once was. For years I was trapped in a hard-wired cage of beliefs that I was unloved and unlovable. It has been quite a journey out of that hard-wired, lonely cage into a big, open, joyous playing field with the man of my dreams. This book shows how I purposefully set out to free myself from that cage and open myself to love. It also reveals how Tom and I maintain a joyful relationship that just keeps getting better and more fun all the time. Yes, relationships really can be fun!

Get Jan’s Miracle Marriage Ebook  right now for only $5.95        Funny and Inspirational!

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Jul 16 2009

A “Muse” Letter from the Heart – Issue #20

On Sunday Tom and I drove up the coast to pick some peaches at the beautiful El Capitan Ranch, where groves and gardens adorn the hillside overlooking the ocean. Everything on the land was thriving – there were huge, fragrant, happy looking roses of every color, a datura tree resplendent in angel trumpets, succulent peaches, and oil rich avocados. The woman who owns and works the land told us how she nourished everything that grew there with a special ingredient – love. She is in a heartfelt love relationship with the land, the trees, the plants, the flowers. She told us that she talks and listens to them, and they guide her in how to care for them. That love gave birth to the sweetest, juiciest peaches I have ever eaten. (Love tastes good!).

I believe that when we are in love with what we do we are guided and wonderful things come from that. I have been in a love relationship for over 25 years with my muse, creating crafts to sell at the Sunday Santa Barbara Arts and Crafts Show. I named my company after my muse, A-Muse Ink. Over the years this love has spawned many “children”. One of the first of these children was a little pig, which came into being this way: I said to my muse, “I need something that will make people say, ‘That’s too cute, I have to have it.’” I wanted it to be something that was easy and inexpensive to make. Then a vision came to me of a pig wearing sunglasses lying on a rock, “bacon in the sun”. That day, in magical synchronicity, just the right materials and equipment to easily make the pig presented themselves. After a period of labor I gave birth to my Bacon in the Sun line of pig magnets and flying pigs. Through the years I have often heard people say about them, “That’s too cute, I have to have it”. Those little guys helped me bring home the bacon.

In recent years I’ve been doing a daily meditation where I imagine shimmering light showering onto me, into me, and all around me. I wanted my booth at the craft show to shimmer like that. An idea came to me of butterflies balancing from a thread that dangled from a wire attached to a rock. I found the perfect holographic shimmering material to make them with, and my dancing butterflies were soon born. My booth shimmered in the sun as they danced and sparkled in the breeze, delighting me and my customers.

Many other ideas have come to me in this way. I’ve found that the creative process is like the birth process – it’s best when it begins with love. From that love, conception occurs. Once I conceive an idea, it is time to let it gestate and develop. Then I go into labor, doing the grunt work, which eventually results in birthing the idea into form. Finally I present my baby to the world. Some of my “children” became big stars – a line of Animal Guardian Angel Pins I created was sold in stores all over the country.

I have loved being in relationship with my crafty muse and with the Arts and Crafts Show all these years. However, relationships can eventually become stagnant, the joy is gone and we fall out of love. I was feeling that with the show – it had lost its sparkle for me – it became more a drudgery of labor than a joy of birth. I was feeling labor pains for something new to be born. Then, several months ago, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer. I don’t know if the cancer was born of that stagnancy, which in turn gave birth to  the impetus to do something new that excites my soul and stirs my juices. What I do know is that is the result. During these several months I’ve taken a leave of absence from the show, and in that time I have been developing a relationship with my writing muse. We have intimate conversations, and I listen and receive guidance. I have fallen in love, and that love is birthing these “muse” letters.

There is a law of the Universe that inflow needs to outflow and outflow needs to inflow. I had been inflowing a lot of information, spiritual learning, and growth over the years, but I wasn’t outflowing very much of it, I wasn’t sharing it. The pressure built and the dam has burst, and like a birthed aliveness, creativity flowed out in the form of writing.

I feel excited about this relationship with my writing muse – Tom-Cruise-jumping-on-Oprah’s-couch excited! This new love is juicy and sweet, like the peaches at El Capitan Ranch. While I was dealing with the cancer, I felt more captivated by the joy of writing than the fear of cancer. It is a loving partnership that I nurture by taking walks in nature, and eating healthy foods that keep me clear-headed and better able to connect with that higher part of myself. Like any good relationship, the more I talk to it, the more it responds; the more I listen, the more I hear.  Sometimes my mind is blank, I don’t know what to write and my muse assures me, “Relax, just listen, it will come.” And it does.

Commitment is an important part of relationship. Therefore, I am committing to this new relationship by publicly declaring my love and letting go of my old relationship. I feel a little scared and sad about that. My longtime relationship with my crafty muse and the Arts and Crafts Show has been a central part of my life for over 25 years. It has shaped and formed my week. It has been a steady dependable income. My mind wonders, “How is this new relationship going to work?” Yet my higher self is urging me to take the leap into the unknown. As I wrote in a prior newsletter, the quote keeps coming to me, “Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions – All life is an experiment.”  Higher Self is compelling me to “Go where the love is and trust you will be guided.”  And so I am.

Are you in a love relationship with where you are and what you are doing in your life? Are you feeling urges to go where the love is? Trust that when you follow the love, all that you need will come to you.

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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May 21 2009

Gardening the Energy Field of Love #13

What if you thought that you might only have a short time to live? What would you be doing with your life? Where would your focus be?  Ever since my cancer diagnosis, I’ve been asking myself these questions. I saw my doctor a few weeks ago for a post hysterectomy check up and he told me that because there was a medium risk for my uterine cancer to recur somewhere else in my body, he recommended doing both chemo and radiation.

I am choosing to do neither of them. It doesn’t make sense to me at this time to do something so debilitating to my immune system when we don’t even know if there is any cancer left. What I am choosing to do instead is to continue with my strict diet, AND…to radiate myself on a daily basis with the healing energy of love! My soul lights up at the thought, saying, “Yes!” Cultivating the energy of love in my life is the work I have been doing for years. It is what laid the groundwork for a wonderful, incredibly loving man to show up who matched that vibration (that would be my husband, the wondrous Tom). It is a law: if you build the energy of love, love will come. Now I have the motivation to turn up the volume on that.

Love has healing power. I’m not referring to romantic love; it is more powerful and permanent than that. Love is a state of connectedness, wholeness, union, and harmony with all that is.  In the book “Healing with Love”, Dr. Leonard Laskow writes, “Love stimulates healing by relating us to the natural order and harmony inherent in our cells, in our selves, and in universal consciousness. Healing through love is a process of becoming whole.”

Even though I feel a strong intention to focus throughout my day on love, I know that inspiration wanes and, like weeds, fears can take over; I tend to be a worrier. Fortunately, I am also a warrior. My spiritual warrior is very practical and has prompted me to implement daily practices that help plant me securely in the energy field of love. I want to share with you some of these practices.

1. LOVING SELF-TALK. I come into union with myself by loving my feelings as if they are my children, treating them like a mother would treat a beloved child. I bring loving attention to them, call them “honey” and “sweetheart”, talk to them in an accepting way, and allow them to express themselves. Once our feelings are fully seen, allowed and experienced, we expand into our full flowing aliveness.

2. THE WORD ‘LOVE’.  I lace my day with the word ‘love’. Just saying or writing the word ‘love’ effects our cells. In Masaru Emoto’s book, The Hidden Messages in Water, he tells about how the effect of words on water molecules revealed that positive words like ‘love’ created harmonious patterns in water molecules, and negative words created disharmonious patterns. Since we are largely made up of water, it makes sense that the words we say to ourselves and each other have a powerful effect on us.

3. VISUAL REMINDERS OF LOVE.  I put a picture of myself as a child where I can see it everyday. I look into that child’s eyes, I see her beautiful soul, and say, “Hello sweet girl. I love you.” My teenage niece told me recently that she had been making some decisions that were emotionally hurtful to herself. Then she saw a picture of herself as a little girl and she realized, “I’m hurting that little girl.” That helped her to feel compassion for herself and make more loving decisions.

4. ACTIVATE YOUR HEART CHAKRA.  HeartMath Institute has created a simple 3-step formula that stimulates the energy of love in your body: First, focus on your heart. Next, breathe through your heart. Finally, generate the feeling of love in your heart by imagining someone or something you love; or imagine bathing your heart in warm pink light, the color of the heart chakra. I have an Emwave device from HeartMath that gives bio-feedback and helps me know when I am in that state (the light turns green when I’m in ‘love’, and red when I am not).

5. NATURE LOVER. I take daily love-generating walks communing and harmonizing with nature. On a recent walk I was inspired to write this poem, celebrating our ‘love affair’:

NATURE IS MY LOVER

The sun warmly kisses my face.

The ground holds me in earthy embrace.

The wind playfully tussles my hair.

The gift of flowers scents the air.

My lover gives me lots of space.

And let’s me move at my own pace.

Though some would say there’s no one there,

I deeply feel this love affair.

Abraham Lincoln said, “It’s not the years in our life that counts, it’s the life in our years.” Ultimately, it’s the love in our moments that truly counts. I think that is what we take with us when we die, how much we have opened our heart, our cells, and our being to love. Even if I were to die a year from now, if I am filled with love, I will have accomplished a huge thing, I would have done what my soul came to do. It’s all about love!

If you thought you might have a short time to live, what would you be focusing on? What generates the energy of love in you?

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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Mar 25 2009

Mr. Toad’s Wild Elevator Ride! 3/25/09 Newsletter #5

A friend said to me recently, “You are on Mr. Toad’s wild ride, and you’re managing to enjoy the scenery.” That made me smile. It has been a wild ride, but I’m experiencing it more like a wild elevator ride that goes up and down and every floor has a different view. The bottom floor is a limited ego’s eye view; the top floor is an expansive eagle’s eye view.

Sometimes my elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top; but when it does I can see the big picture. I can see how everything fits together perfectly. I can see how I am connected to it all.

When my buttons are pushed I often descend to the lower floors. Going down……..Thump! On the bottom floor there is worry, what ifs, whys, regrets, blame, danger, drama, duality, me versus them. On the bottom floor I am in the thick of it all.

Yesterday my elevator plummeted to the bottom floor. My sister told me she was examined by her gynecologist this week, who was concerned about some unusual bleeding. The doctor right then and there in the office took a sample from her uterus to biopsy, just like that! Her doctor said under her breath that that is what my doctor should have done over a year ago when the abnormalities first came to his attention.

When I hear this I am stunned! My elevator crashes to the bottom floor! Whys and what ifs rush in – Why didn’t my doctor biopsy mine a year ago? (They did ultrasounds instead, which showed an apparently benign polyp, so nothing else was done.) What if it has spread? What if I have to suffer through chemo and radiation (or worse) because they didn’t do the biopsy right away?

A flood of tears and fears and old pain bodies enter the scene saying, “The world is unsafe, people can’t be trusted, I am in danger!” Anger rages on board. “They should’ve done it differently!” A girl named Sue stomps in, pumping her fist, chanting, “Sue, sue, sue the incompetents!” The elevator is getting very crowded!

Fortunately there is room for one more…my Compassionate Witness. She holds the space for everyone who shows up. She encourages good ventilation by saying, “It’s ok to feel angry, sad and scared. Let yourself feel it. Feel it deeply. I will hold you.” She does not try to tell me, “This moment is perfect just as it is.” This is not a time or place for that. This is a time to Be where I’m at, in the thick of it, feeling it fully, shining the light of awareness on it. (I know from experience that if I try to rise above my feelings, that just positions me better for them to bite me in the butt!)

These feelings deserve to be heard and honored. If they are not, then they take up permanent residence on the bottom floor, spinning round and round in ain’t it awful stories like a dog chasing its tale of woe. My elevator was stuck on the bottom floor for many years – until my Compassionate Witness came to live with me.

When I rest and release in this spacious loving awareness, I am naturally elevated to a higher perspective. Going up……I begin to get glimpses of how I collaborated with how it was done and the decisions that were made; I had been happy to minimize the abnormality and make it all go away. I can also see my doctor more clearly as someone who was caring and concerned, not a bad person out to hurt me.

My elevator ascends higher and I can see how on the lower floors my mind’s tendency is to seize on the what should’ve beens of the past and what ifs of the future. From this elevated vantage point I am aware that there is only Now, and right Now I am fine. I am more than fine. I am experiencing a treasure of learning and inspiration, as well as the great joy of writing and sharing my experience. If this had been nipped in the bud a year ago would I be having such a rich, full-bloomed experience now?

I am seeing how it is perfect that this is bringing up my pain bodies; on the lower floors they are a torment, but elevated in awareness they become pain buddies, here to help me heal deeply imprinted fear and trust issues.

I can see that this is the healing that is most important; healing the belief that the world is unfriendly and I am its victim; loosening my ego’s tenacious grip on feeling wronged; learning to forgive and let it go. As James Ray (The Secret teacher) says, true forgiveness is being able to say, “Thank you for giving me this experience.”

Right now, as I am peacefully perched on the top floor, I can see how it all fits together. Now I can hear and let in these words, “This moment is perfect just as it is.” From this higher view I see and know that I am One with it all. It is my movie.

I also know that I will continue to ride the elevator up and down; but with my Compassionate Witness along, I am enjoying the scenery. There is no good or bad, right or wrong experience; just being with it with curiosity, compassion and a willingness to learn from it all. That always elevates me to the top floor.

“Just go into the room and put one chair in the center.
Take the seat in the center of the room, open the door
and windows, and see who comes to visit.
You will witness all kinds of scenes and actors,
all kinds of temptations and stories, everything imaginable.
Your only job is to stay in your seat.
You will see it all arise and pass, and out of this—
wisdom and understanding will come.”
Achaan Chan

What is the view from your elevator right now? I hope that your Compassionate Witness is by your side helping you enjoy the scenery on your wild, wonderful, wisdom-gathering ride!

In Love,
Jan Jacobsen

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Mar 24 2009

The Wonderful Wisdom of IS! 3/18/09 Newsletter #4

The mind is like a crazed acrobat, tumbling from thought to thought, leaping to conclusions. I’ve been witnessing my mind tumbling about trying to figure things out and find answers. It wants to know, how did I end up with uterine cancer? Could it be the occasional sugar? The dairy? The aspartame? Or is it because I’m uptight; or more accurately, downtight? (as in anal retentive.) – did I block the flow of chi down there? Or could it be that my laptop sitting on my lap is frying my innards, doing the lap dance of death!?

Who knows why things happen. The only thing I can know for certain is this…it happened. It is what it is. I am open to learning and seeing my part in things; but I am becoming more interested right now in learning the fine art of acceptance. Now is all there is, and this is what’s Now. There is no right or wrong – just Isness, Suchness (not suckness). Buddha called this state Tatata. I want to live in this state. I am packing up my baggage and moving to Tatata, the golden state of harmony with whatever Is!

I’m leaving behind self blame, trying to figure things out, and regret. They are not useful. Much suffering is caused by resisting what is happening. It’s like trying to resist a tornado – it’s only going to mess you up! When I accept what is happening and say, “Oh, this is interesting – I wonder what I can learn from it?” I come into harmony with it and it lands me in the wonderful land of Is. When I’m focused on learning and growing, then every experience is perfect.

This morning I had my anxiously awaited appointment with the oncologist to consult and set the date of the operation. When I got there they told me that they don’t have my name down! At first I cried – it felt good, it released tension. Then, I could feel the downward vortex, circling the drain energy, wanting to poor me down the drain, wanting to blame and complain and shame and call names (stupid gyno said he made the appointment!)

Instead, I took a detour from the downward drain. I talked to myself, “It’s okay to feel scared and angry. Let yourself feel it.” Then I was ready to return to the state of Is – It is what it Is. Breathe. Accept. This moment is perfect just as it is. (This ended up being a perfect Is example for this newsletter! And they rescheduled me for later today.)

The mind always wants to know, “Is this a good thing? Is this a bad thing?” Byron Katie has written that when people used to say “Namaste” to her, she thought they were saying “No mistake”.  My appendix burst seven months ago. That could have killed me…or it could have saved my life. The CT scan they did for my appendix showed that my uterus was abnormal. That led to the discovery of the uterine cancer.

My brother found out he had an inoperable brain aneurysm.  He thought his life was over. It had just begun! He quit his job, bought a sailboat and now, 8 years later, is enjoying life on his boat in the Caribbean Islands, thriving and living his dream.

“Just when the caterpillar thought its life was over, it became a butterfly.”

My husband Tom is cultivating rich soil in his garden plot. It contains compost from rotted produce and horse manure. He treats these ingredients like precious gold. He knows they will help his garden grow the most nutritious, delicious food. Cancer has composted a rich and fertile soil for me, from which is sprouting much creativity, inspiration, and learning.  (It’s a fertile time or it’s a shitty time; same substance, different attitude).

The best part about being in harmony with what is, it hooks me up with the Universal flow. Once I am in the energy of acceptance, I am in a state of grace where things I need flow to me easily, and everything works out better than I could imagine. Rich gifts are coming my way: the love of friends, the best doctors and nurses, financial assistance, and powerful learning and healing on a deep level.  Open is open. When I let go of resistance and open to what is, I am open to receive love, guidance and miracles.

Brick by golden brick I’m building my home base in Tatata. I sometimes take little side trips to Self-Pity City, and am hijacked occasionally by little cyclones of anger, sadness and fear. Accepting what is happening includes accepting the feelings that come up about it. These feelings are like bulls in a pen, snorting and pawing the ground – when they are accepted as part of what is and allowed to be there, then the gate opens, freeing them to roam the big spacious field of awareness, where eventually they calm down and become one with the field.

“Out beyond rightdoing and wrongdoing, there is a field; I’ll meet you there.” (Rumi)
Right Here and Now there is a field of awareness where everything is welcome; there’s plenty of room for All that shows up.

Are you living in the golden state of Tatata? It is a beautiful, spacious place to live. (And it’s so much fun saying Tatata!)  To get there, just click your heels together, take deep slow breaths of acceptance and say, “There’s no place like Here. There’s no place like Now.” That will always bring you back Home again.

In Love,
Jan Jacobsen

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Mar 24 2009

Bright Light – Dark Shadows! 3/11/09 Newsletter #3

Seven months ago my appendix burst and was removed. Now my cancerous uterus is about to be removed. What’s up down there? My internal organs are jumping ship! I can’t help but wonder, have I done something wrong? I’d always thought that this couldn’t happen to me. I take good care of myself: eat healthy, don’t drink or smoke, I exercise, ingest a fistful of vitamins every day, express my thoughts and feelings, connect with my spirit, and have loving relationships. I thought I was safe. Now a part of me feels like I have failed in some way.

Cancer is such a violent thing to have inside me. It is something shadowy, dark and dangerous that will kill me unless I kill it first. This has stirred up my painful old core belief which says I didn’t just do something wrong, I am something wrong; I am fundamentally damaged; and bad things happen to me because I’m bad. The pain of that core belief has set me on a spiritual path for the last 30 years. I have read a great multitude of spiritual and personal growth books and attended more workshops that you can shake a talking stick at. I have grown and healed tremendously. Yet still…cancer.

Feeling sad and disappointed, I lay in my husband Tom’s arms, crying, “I am flawed. After all these years and all the work I’ve done on myself, I am still deeply flawed.” Tom smiled and said, “Me too.” We both laugh. I have done something right to have this blessing of a man in my life! He has helped me put the fun into fundamentally flawed. Just looking at him reminds me that there is much light in my life now. And, there are still shadows. Tom says, “The brighter the light is the more clearly defined the shadows are.” Yes. The light is brightly shining in my life and I’m seeing my shadows very clearly. That is a good thing.

One way the Universe very clearly reveals my shadows to me is through the people in my life. They are wonderful mirrors – I can clearly see in them how they are defensive, judgmental, victimy, and oblivious about it (as much as I try to point it out to them!) These people can be irritating to be around. When I try to remove them from my life, they just keep showing up in different bodies with new names!

My shadows are clearly defined and they are clearly following me! Wherever I go, there I am. I’m learning that if it’s in my life, it’s in me. More importantly, I’m seeing that it’s all about Love. These shadows keep showing up to be faced, accepted and loved in me, and in those who are mirroring me.

I am facing and accepting that I will never be perfect. I lose my temper, I stress myself out, and I like to indulge in a fine whine now and then. I’m learning to shine the light on all that I am, to love myself As Is, warts and all, and now cancer and all. I’ve even written a song, with my friend Nicola Gordon, about loving all the many me’s – “the meany, moody, messy me’s – all the me’s I see’s.” It’s called I Loves Them All.  (To see video, click the link below).

Life is not about being perfect – it’s about being whole. As Carl Jung said, I’d rather be whole than good. Loving All of me is loving myself whole (minus a few body parts). This is more important than being perfect.

I feel compassion for that part of us that gets lost in the shadows. I feel such love and appreciation for how we keep striving for the light, sometimes floundering towards the light. How brave we all are to be here on this journey on planet earth, fallible, flawed and perfectly imperfect.

We are right where we need to be. This moment is perfect just as it is. This cancer is perfect just as it is. Healing and learning are happening. My dearly departing body parts are leaving me with this wonderful parting gift – the reminder to welcome every part and parcel of me to the party. I welcome cancer as my teacher

What people and circumstances keep showing up in your life, shadowing you? You haven’t done anything wrong. Life is simply reflecting back to you what wants to be faced and embraced.  It’s All about Love.

Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. (The Desiderata)

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

Click here to see Jan’s song “I Loves Them All” on Youtube.

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