Oct 27 2009
In the spirit of Halloween, I’d like to share with you this excerpt from my book-in-progress, Miracle Marriage, revealing some of the motley menagerie of personas (those parts of us that seem to take on a life of their own) that showed up to help us celebrate our one-year wedding anniversary:
When Tom and I celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary, some of the ‘guests’ who made an appearance were Mr. Blunderful, Chopped Liver and Ms. Thunderful, to name a few. It’s funny how this gang tends to show up at stressful times like holidays and special occasions – they are such party animals! Fortunately, ‘Jane Goodall’, my non-judgmental witness, shows up as well to observe them.
Tom and I made a date to celebrate by meeting and laying together in intimate connecting, meditating, breathing, and revealing our deepest thoughts and feelings—we call this “Lying and Truthing.” He was watching the end of a very exciting Lakers game. Ms. Wonderful oh so graciously said he could finish watching the game (isn’t she wonderful!) and we could meet in an hour for our time together. The game ended, but then the phone rang and Tom got involved in a phone call. Ms Wonderful, ever the good woman, let that be okay and waited patiently for our date.
The phone call ended, and then I heard Mr. Blunderful on the phone calling a friend to talk. Chopped Liver then entered the party and thought, “What the heck?!” It was well past the hour that we had agreed to meet and he was calling his friend for what is usually a long conversation. Did he forget?! What am I, Chopped Liver!? Ms. Thunderful had now arrived (she usually follows close on the heels of Chopped Liver). She stormed into the party and was none too happy with Mr. Blunderful!
Ms. Thunderful mouthed the words to Mr. Blunderful, still on the phone with his friend, “What happened to our date? Well, never mind. Forget it. I’m leaving.” Revenge is sweet, and Ms. Thunderful has a sweet tooth. She was about to storm out on this run-away train to Trance-ilvania, when Jane Goodall showed up. Jane patiently sat in the field observing the monkeys in my mind and all their shenanigans; she doesn’t judge, she just observes. She noticed the swarm of adrenaline hornets that were buzzing in my nervous system, and noted with interest that my breath was shallow and I was in classic fight or flight mode.
Mr. Blunderful, AKA Mr. Oh Oh, hastily ended his call with his friend and announced that he was ready for our date. Ms. Thunderful still had one foot out the door, ready to bolt. Jane Goodall was marveling at the compelling nature of this internal fight or flight tug of war within her. Tom calmly asked me, “What do you want?” Jane Goodall’s awareness had loosened the grip of my righteous anger a bit, and I joked, “I want a divorce.” We laughed. I said, “Okay, let’s lay together.”
I knew that the act of laying and breathing together would help usher in the bigger field of awareness. As we did this, we became one with the field and witnessed our inner tribe of chimps monkeying around. We were allies in this witnessing, sharing our ego thoughts and compulsions and laughing about them. From the perspective of the big open field, our egos are very funny—our egos are our funny amigos.
In this field of awareness we were in, I became aware of the part of me that was uncomfortable with physical intimacy, and I could see that that one had been hitching a ride on Ms. Thunderful’s run-away train, trying to get away from the impending intimacy. A part of me wanted closeness and another part of me didn’t. I took a deep breath and welcomed that persona, the Flee-er. It is a big field—fear of intimacy is welcome here.
Tom shared with me that when I’d suggested we meet in an hour that one of his personas, “Thomas MORE – The Human Doing”, thought, “Oh boy, I can get a lot of stuff done in an hour.” I shared with Tom my own “Human-Doing” thought that was urging me right then from the sidelines saying, “This is great stuff. Let’s hurry up and finish this intimate time together so I can go write about this intimate time together.” We laughed again.
I wondered if Tom had a persona that was excited by the danger and drama of Ms. Thunderful and he provokes her appearance. He thought about it and said, “That could be.” He knows that he thoroughly enjoys the enlightening that always follows the thunder.
These party guests have not ruined the party, they have enhanced it. We have gone deeper into learning about ourselves, revealing ourselves, and being one with the field of energy that embraces it all. It is such a great joy and relief to me that we can be this honest with each other, that we can reveal and be real and play with it all. ALL of us are welcome here!
Are there any personas of yours right now that have taken on a life of their own? Welcome them to the party and invite your version of ‘Jane Goodall’ to witness them in curiosity, amusement, and love. Happy persona celebration!