Jul 11 2010
Last Wednesday I was interviewed about my cancer journey on Pamala Oslie’s weekly radio show. Pamala is a high caliber psychic and author in Santa Barbara who receives my newsletters, felt inspired by them, and wanted me to share some of my learning with her listeners. I was nervous but also thrilled to think that sharing my experience and tools might help people. Being of service helps this whole thing make sense to me, it makes it all worth it. Tom was there at the interview as well and got to share some of his learning and experience living with a loved one with cancer.
Prior to the show Pam asked me to make a list of some of the things I’d be most excited talking about. I reread all my newsletters and culled from them the juiciest bits. Here are some of those juicy bits. (Most of them were covered in the interview. Below is a link to the archived tape of the interview if you’d like to listen to it).
WAKE UP – YOUR DREAM IS WAITING TO BE BORN!
I first found out I had uterine cancer just before my 60th birthday. Having something growing in my uterus at the time of such an important birthday made me wonder, “What wants to be born into my life?” I realized that I had been stagnating — I’d done the same work for 27 years and was no longer inspired by it. I’ve always wanted to do inspirational writing. That was my dream. I would tell myself, “Someday I will write.” Cancer kicked my ‘someday’ into ‘WRITE NOW!’ It shook me awake and compelled me to take a risk and live my dream. That’s when the newsletter was born. Have you given birth to your dream?
As someone on a spiritual path, I believe that life is all about soul growth and all about love. I see this cancer growth as a growth opportunity and I want to get the most growth I can from it! I’ve asked myself, “What can I learn from this cancer? What wants to be loved here?” I see the tumor as an energy blockage. How am I blocking my energy? I realize that the belly and pelvic area of my body have sometimes been unloved parts of me. I haven’t brought a lot of breath and awareness to the area. I’ve felt shame about some of the bodily functions there. I’ve also blocked chi energy there by clenching in fear. I am now breathing fully into this area, ventilating it with healing energy. It has got my full loving attention. Is there a part of your body and emotions that you haven’t loved?
The Buddha talks about the two arrows of suffering. The first arrow is called primary suffering — it’s when we have a physical pain or an emotional pain, such as the loss of a loved one. The second arrow is called secondary suffering and it is self-inflicted when we react to the primary pain with resentment, resistance, distraction, or wallowing in victim energy. Those reactions lock the pain in. This has been a challenge of mine, to not get sucked into contractive victim energy. Finding ways to free myself of secondary suffering and move into expansive energy has been my life work. Are you trapped in secondary suffering? The following are valuable tools I’m using that might be helpful for you as well.
A ‘GOOD’ CRY VS. A ‘BAD’ CRY
Since I found out last week that the chemo and radiation treatment didn’t eliminate the cancer, I’ve felt scared and sad and have been having many a “good” cry. A good cry is when I feel the energy fully and allow it to pass through, without putting spin or story on it. This allows it to move through quickly, like a rain shower, and I feel clear and cleansed afterward. A “bad” cry is when I’m circling the drain in a sad story, in a tailspin, like a dog chasing it’s tail of woe, round and round I go, and ‘poor me’ down the drain. A bad cry is very draining!
BEFRIENDING THE FEELING
Sometimes I am gripped by fear. When that happens I move toward the fear by bringing my awareness to my body. I notice where I’m feeling the fear, such as shallow breath and a tight stomach. Then I name the feeling, saying, “I feel scared.” No spin, no story, simply, “I feel scared.” I begin to breath more easily. (This works with anger and sadness as well).
Next I bring loving kindness to the fear, my compassionate witness talks to the fear, saying, “I know that you’re scared. It’s okay to feel scared. This is scary. I’m here with you. I love you. I’ll take good care of you.” More breath and more expansion happen. I’m now ready to TAG myself, affirming Trust, Acceptance, and Gratitude and I expand even more.
IT IS WHAT IT IS
One of my greatest learning in all this is to accept that this is what’s happening. Accepting isn’t giving up, it’s coming into harmony with what is. It’s letting go of the contractive energy of regret and resistance (secondary suffering), and coming into the expansive energy of surrender. That expansive energy leads to a state of grace where guidance and solutions appear. It’s a state of flow where everything I need comes to me. It’s a state of wholeness and oneness with all that is. It’s a state of being where healing can happen. The words healing, health, holy and wholeness all have the same root.
THE HEALING POWER OF PLAY
Singing, dancing, laughing and smiling creates endorphins, enhances the immune system and puts us in an expansive state. Reverend Michael Beckwith says that praying and playing are the same energetic. Chinese healer Chunyi Lin advocates that smiling generates healing love energy. He has a great acronym for SMILE: Starting My Internal Love Engine.
Play is also a powerful shift tool when we’re stuck in negative patterns. When I notice my cynical attitude is taking over, I play with it! I give it a name, Cynny, and I exaggerate her grousing, I let her rip! This brings her out of the shadows, into the light, into wholeness, and I expand into the playful, prayful state of grace. Plus, it’s just plain fun!
THIS ETERNAL NOW MOMENT
Knowing that my time here may be limited has galvanized me into the present moment. I want to be fully alive while I am alive, fully here and now. I’m seeing the world through present-moment baby eyes, brand new, drinking it all in. Tom and I look into each other’s eyes, really seeing each other, feeling the eternity of the present moment. When I find myself thinking about the future and worrying, I affirm, “Present moment, only moment.” When I’m fully in the present, time actually expands and it’s beautiful. In truth, right now is all there is. I am here now.
It is such an honor and so gratifying to me that you are reading these newsletters and that they may be of help to you in some way. It was a thrill to be on the radio, for the same reason. I truly feel that I am right where I’m supposed to be. I am doing my soul’s work. This moment is perfect just as it is.
Here is the link to the radio interview http://www.netbriefings.com/event/auracolors/Archives/radioshow/index.html
You can also access it by going to Pamala’s website, Auracolors.com, click on Radio Show, then Archives, then Podcast.
There is a wealth of other wonderful archived interviews with fascinating people such as Kenny Loggins, Gay and Katie Hendricks, Dr. Bruce Lipton, Swami Beyondananda, Mike Dooley, Dan Millman, Barbara Marx Hubbard, Terry Cole-Whitaker, Ceasar Millan and many more. I listened to several yesterday as I was getting a blood transfusion (for severe anemia) and it put me in an expanded state. Pamala is very personable and an excellent interviewer who brings out the best and the depth in people.