May 07 2013
It’s hard to believe it was 3 years ago this month that I began chemo and radiation treatment for recurrent uterine cancer. After completing the 6 weeks of daily radiation and weekly chemotherapy, the doctor gave me a poor prognosis, but…I’M STILL HERE! Alive and kicking! Feeling pretty darn good! Back then I didn’t know if I should make my 6 months dental cleaning appointment, or buy new clothes or green bananas. Now I have a closet full of new clothes, a mouth full of clean teeth, and a kitchen full of green bananas.
My favorite quote is: “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over it became a butterfly.” We never know what’s going to happen. Things can seem bleak but somehow turn out better than we can imagine. What looked like the end of the world to me was the beginning of a more vibrant, purposeful life.
In the four years since I was first diagnosed, I have nestled more fully into the present moment. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know what the present holds: it holds ME, in a cushy, cozy, comforting embrace. I’m all right right now and right now is all there is. Admittedly, there are times when I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, but most of the time I’m kicking up my heels doing the happy dance and enjoying life. It’s all gravy. Some days I don’t even think about cancer at all.
One thing I’m doing the happy dance about is writing. Even though my newsletters have been fewer and farther between, I’m still writing, but in a different form. If you’re on Facebook you may have seen my daily posting of my sayings with my watercolor backgrounds (one saying per day). I feel like a child at play with colorful words and it is deeply satisfying that these words may be of service to someone.
I used to live a block away from Ashleigh Brilliant, the epigram author, and I’d see him walking around the ‘hood deep in thought contemplating new epigram sayings. I thought, “What a great life that must be!” Now I’m doing it! And it IS a great life! (I love how seeds planted long ago have a way of sprouting up unexpectedly years later.)
An added bonus for me is that sending these writings out into the world sometimes triggers my “Who do you think you are” critic; this is perfect because I get to do some inner healing work around that. Oh boy, another growth opportunity! I remember a cartoon where Dennis the Menace is being punished, sitting in the corner facing the wall, and the caption reads, “I’m Dennis, that’s who I am, that’s what I should have said!” When my critic scolds, “Who do you think you are”, my soul chimes in, “Who do you KNOW you are?” I am a soul at play, learning and growing and sharing what I’m learning with others, having great fun one day at a time.
So, if things are looking gloomy and life is giving you a poor prognosis, hang in there! I am living proof that shift happens, even better than we can imagine!
If anyone would like to receive my sayings, you can reply to this email with “Yes” in the subject line (or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org) and I’ll put you on the list. I’m calling these brief sayings Enlighten-Inklings. They will be sent via email Monday thru Friday,
Or you can see them at my website on the Enlighten-Inklings page.
Or if you’re on Facebook you can check them out there. If you’re not already a FB friend, you can find me under Janet Lee Jacobsen. You can access all the sayings I’ve posted so far by going to my FB page, click on Photos, then click Albums, then click Timeline Photos. And I’d love it if you ‘friend’ me )