Aug 15 2010
I recently watched a new TV show called “The Big C” about a reserved woman (played by wonderful actress Laura Linney) who suddenly learns she has terminal cancer. She realizes that time is precious, and this sets her free to change her life, to assert herself and do things she’d been too afraid and uptight to do. In a restaurant she declares, “I’m just having desserts and liquor.”
I’ve been experiencing a similar freedom. The thought that death could possibly be just around the corner liberates me to live with a certain amount of abandon. As the song says, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” I am free to not sweat the small stuff, to do only what I want to do, to focus on raising my vibration and living in the state of grace that I love so much.
Even though a part of me wants to really let loose and eat gooey desserts and drink liquor like Laura Linney’s character, I know that would debilitate my health (cancer loves sugar!) and knock me out of the state of grace place. I’m motivated by the dream that I can heal myself, or at least prolong my life; so instead of eating desserts and drinking liquor, I am eating lots of anti-cancer foods and drinking an herbal tea (from my Chinese Medicine doctor) that looks and tastes like it was scraped from the forest floor. I hold my nose when I drink it, and as I drink I affirm to myself, “This is powerful, healing medicine.”
James Dean said, “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die tomorrow.” I am dreaming and eating as if I’ll live forever and I am living and loving as if I’ll die tomorrow. I feast my eyes and soul on the beauty that surrounds me, the summer flowers, the Santa Barbara mountains and the beautiful people in my life. I don’t think I’d be enjoying such a feast if it weren’t for the cancer – or, as I am choosing to call it, “The burr under my saddle that woke me up.”
As friends from out of town stop by and visit with me, I know that it’s possible it may be the last time I see them. (That is true for all of us. Who knows what life will bring? It is so unpredictable.) Therefore, I really see and appreciate them and savor being in their presence and when we say goodbye to each other there is a depth and a sweetness to it.
I am valuing each moment. Whenever I think about death, I’m reminded that I am alive now. I am here now. Here and now is all there is. In this here and now I’m choosing to raise my vibration and let my light shine. At the end of the first episode of The Big C, the song that plays is, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.” That sums it all up perfectly. We are free at any time to fully allow our light to shine, and we don’t need life to turn on us in order to turn us on.
If you thought you might only have a short time to live, how would you let your light shine? What dream of yours would you be living? Do it now — “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die tomorrow.”