Tag Archive 'cancer'

Sep 14 2013

Unshakeable Tranquility – #103

My husband Tom told me recently that he is aiming for a state of unshakeable tranquility in his life. That got me thinking – I realized that, to me, tranquility is unshakeable only when I’m unattached to outcome, when I’m willing to roll with whatever’s happening. “Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm.” Resisting is what causes my suffering and shatters my tranquility – resisting pain makes pain more painful (not to mention, what I resist persists!)

This is an ongoing learning for me. Everyday I go for a nature walk behind my house and enjoy the peace and beauty along the way…that is…until I get to a certain house where a scrappy little dog often charges out into his yard, with teeth bared, fiercely barking at me. When I get near that house I start to cringe and thoughts creep in like “I hate that little devil dog! He destroys my peaceful walk!”

Then I catch myself, I take some deep breaths and affirm: “I am willing to hear the dog bark. I am willing to feel whatever feelings come up about it. I am willing to be present with the barking dog and all my feelings. I am willing to feel peaceful even if the dog is barking.” My whole body relaxes.

That little barking dog is training me to enter the state of unshakeable tranquility. He’s not the devil after all, he’s my little furry adversity angel. And my daily walk is not just a peaceful foray in nature – it’s a soul workout where I’m learning to relax my resistance and strengthen my willingness to be present with whatever’s happening.

This is my continuing learning on my cancer journey. Three years ago after completion of my chemo and radiation treatment when the doctor told me the tumor had been reduced but not eliminated, I wrote this: “Right now I’m in a place of willingness – I am willing to be present with whatever comes up. I am willing to feel whatever feelings are here. I am willing to experience complete healing. I am willing to experience death. I am willing.”

The ultimate freedom from suffering is being willing to chill with any ill, AND being willing for everything to work out even better than I can imagine (so far, that has been the case).

I’ve always had one foot out the door of life, not fully committed to being here, mainly because I wanted to avoid and escape suffering. My cancer diagnosis over 4 years ago was a wake up call – “Are you IN or are you OUT?” I thought I had fully committed to being here, but I realize I still have had a toe out the door.

My eyes had gotten blurry with cataracts and my world was disappearing around me. I was reluctant to have them removed because, with my cancer uncertain, I thought I might just be rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

But this month I finally went for cataract surgery and lens replacement in both eyes. That was my statement to the Universe, “I am willing to be here, to feel fully, to see clearly, no matter what is happening.” Now my world has gotten crisper, brighter, more colorful, and more solid. I’m seeing clearly the beauty of this life, AND I’m seeing all the cobwebs and dust bunnies and wrinkles that had been obscured before. But, I am willing to be here with ALL there is, learning how to live in a state of unshakeable tranquility.

In Love,

Janet Jacobsen

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Oct 09 2011

Chaos is an ‘Obstacle’ Illusion – Issue #81

In my first newsletter I asked the question, “What wants to be born into my life?” Now, two-and-a-half years later I have my answer – I have been reborn into a new life, a new way of being, a higher version of myself. I can see now that I had so many fears jamming me up, creating a stagnation that kept me from fully stretching into this life. Cancer was the chaos that stirred my stagnation into the birth of a more vibrant aliveness. As Bob Dylan sang, “He not busy being born, is busy dying.” I’m now busy being born!

For me, cancer instigated a total cleanse of my body, emotions, and spirit, removing toxins, blocks, and beliefs, allowing life to flow through me more fully. I have come more into harmony with myself and now appreciate every part of my body…and I mean EVERY part. I never thought I’d be applauding voluminous bowel movements, but I am! They are so beautiful to me! They let me know that the obstruction that was there before hasn’t grown back! All systems are clear and flowing!

I’m seeing that illness can be a rousing call to wholeness and more vibrancy. What seems like chaos and disaster is actually all part of a innate intelligence and drive towards greater creativity and a higher order of being. This is beautifully illustrated in Cymatics, the study of sound and vibration in which the surface of a plate is vibrated and a thin layer of particles on the plate resonate with the vibration, eventually forming a cohesive pattern. As the frequency rises, chaos ensues — the particles go haywire, into total disarray! Then, at a certain point the particles spontaneously reorganize once again, forming an even more intricate, symmetrical, interconnected, mandala-like pattern. This process repeats itself each time the frequency increases — disintegration is followed by re-integration and a higher order of harmony and coherence.

I believe this same process happens in illness and other life challenges — chaos is a purposeful response to stagnation and a prelude to a higher state of being. However, the success of this transition depends on how we perceive these challenges; when upheavals happen it can either seem like the death of us, or an opportunity to grow and raise our game to a higher level. Once I see that chaos is just an ‘obstacle illusion’, I stop kicking and screaming and resisting, and I come into harmony with this process of rebirth. I can then ride the spiral of my personal growth upwards saying, “Oh boy, another growth opportunity!”

To determine our physical health, a doctor checks our vital signs. What I’ve learned is to determine my emotional and spiritual health by checking my vitality signs: am I fully engaged and living a creative life, facing and integrating shadows, fulfilling my life purpose? If so, I don’t need to create chaos. But if chaos comes again, I will stay with it, learn from it, and ride it out, knowing that it is all part of elevating my life to a higher level of being. Nietzsche said, “You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.” When stuck in stagnation we are stirred and steared onward and upward to become the stars that we truly are!

Is your life in chaos right now? Congratulations! Something magnificent is about to be born into form!

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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Jun 12 2011

Calling On Fierceness – Issue #75

Worry thoughts about the state of my health have been nipping at my heels of late — much like my new kitten that I rescued, who is literally nipping at my heels, determinedly insisting on sinking her teeth and claws into life and into me! She is a persistent little whirling cactus! Her new big bro Bo (our other cat) is ten times her size and could eat her for breakfast, but to her he is a pony to mount and ride and roll around on and play with. He swats her away and she relentlessly bounds back. She is fearless! And fierce! And she wants to PLAY!

She is my current model for determination and unabashed living! That’s the spirit that helped this little one-pounder survive in the wilds all by herself for days, until a blonde giant (moi) strolled by and she cried out to me with a loud, bellowing meow. With that volume of voice I expected a huge cat, but instead a tiny ball of fur appeared from under the bushes, with an urgent, demanding, attention-commanding MEOW!!!

I need that kind of fierceness now. The universe is demanding of me, “Be HERE now”, NOT in the feared, imagined future. Trying to bring myself back to the present moment once fear thoughts have taken over, can feel as if I’m herding cats. My fears are like feral cats who see danger everywhere, even though love and aid is being offered. When my new kitten chose to trust the love that was offered, she hit the lotto and now is nestled in the lap of luxury. She is reminding me to be brave and trust like she did.

To help me come back to trust, I’ve been reciting in my mind the line from the poem Desiderata, that says, “Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” I take a deep breath of relief with that. As someone who has come to the planet to learn and grow and evolve my consciousness, I can see how my soul might have chosen cancer in order to galvanize me to get on with that work. I distinctly remember a time just before my initial diagnosis when I was lying on the couch watching television, feeling lazy and bored, and I had the thought, “What am I doing here? I’m frittering away my time.”

I’m not frittering my time away anymore! With fierce determination, ever since being diagnosed with cancer, I’ve been focused on transforming my hell-raising fears into heaven-raising faith. When I get off track, like I occasionally do, I always come back to my life-affirming practices of focusing on my heart, meditating, gratitude, trust, acceptance, deep breathing, walking in nature, and dancing. “I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing.”(Rabbi Hillel) That brings me back to an expansive place where I feel like a child at play with colored balls, or, better yet, a kitten at play with EVERYTHING!

We are all gods with amnesia, waking up to who we truly are. Sometimes the universe sends us things to help remind us…like cancer and kittens.  When I think about the challenges we souls take on here on planet earth, I am in awe of our courage and spirit. I agree with Rumi who said, “When you see your beauty, you will become your own idol.”

How about you? Has life been calling on your fierce persistence and determination to return to the present moment and remember your powerful divine magnificence?

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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May 01 2011

Amazing Surprises, Awesome Twists, and Spellbinding Coincidences Ahead! – Issue #72

Psss-s-s-s-t-t, S-h-h-h-h-h-h!

Around the bend, in the unseen, arising from the very uncertainties that may now seem to taunt you, there are some amazing surprises, awesome twists, and spellbinding coincidences about to emerge that you can’t even now imagine.

Mooo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-haaaa,

The Universe

This was the perfect Note from the Universe (from Mike Dooley at Tut.com) that I received last week. One year ago this month I had begun my 6-week radiation and chemo treatment for recurrent uterine cancer and was deeply immersed in the misery of nausea, weakness, and the dismal awareness that the chances of the grueling treatment working were slim. It was difficult to imagine back then that a year later I’d still be here…thriving!

With time possibly limited, I was motivated this year to immerse myself in the present moment, savoring it like delicious candy, and to my great delight, time has stretched like taffy into a sweet eternal Nooooow! The quality of time has literally changed for me. I don’t just know, I feel that right now is all there is. Whenever my mind races into a feared future, I say “Whoa Nelly!”, and take deep slow breaths, bringing my mind back to the bounty of this nourishing present moment. This is a great treasure I have found!

Another great treasure that this year has brought me is the priority of focusing on the healing, wholing, holy energy of love. For the rest of my life, love is what I want to create and where I want to dwell. How much I have loved in this life is something I believe I take with me when I go.

I have also lasered into living my life on purpose, getting on with what I came here to do — writing from my heart and soul and sharing it with others. It is a treasure beyond measure to think that I can be of help in this way.

This year I have learned to not sweat the small stuff, but instead to celebrate the big stuff, like the present moment, love, and living a purposeful life. What a bountiful banquet I have found myself at! I couldn’t have known a year ago when things seemed so dire, that a more vibrant, meaningful, luscious life was about to unfold.

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.”

Last week I saw the documentary, I Am, created by Tom Shadyac, a highly successful director of comedy hits like Bruce Almighty, Liar Liar, and The Nutty Professor. In 2007 he was in a bike accident, which damaged his arm and his head, leaving him with Post Concussion Syndrome. He suffered intense pain, mood swings, and ringing in his head for many months. He didn’t think he was going to make it, and he began to welcome death.

Faced with death, he asked himself, “If this is it for me – if I really am going to die – what do I want to say before I go? What will be my last testament?” Miraculously, with this new sense of purpose, his symptoms began to subside, allowing him to focus on and create the heart-opening, soul-stirring, mind-expanding film, I Am. In it he explores what’s wrong with the world and how we can help make it right. What he ultimately discovered is that there is more right about the world than wrong.

Can you remember times when things looked bleak, but turned out even better than you could imagine? When we hang in there, twists and turns and coincidences present themselves, and our life miraculously goes from sucky to succulent, from yucky to YUM!  No matter how things may seem, be open for surprises and miracles!

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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Feb 08 2011

Chickens in Paradise – Issue #66

I have made a big decision…I’ve decided to get a PET CT scan and find out what is happening with the cancer in my body – Is it still there? Is it spreading? Is it completely gone? Up until now I haven’t wanted to know (and doctors said there was nothing more they could do anyway). I’ve been reluctant to know because I’m aware that my attitude affects my health – I know that imagining myself whole and healed, as I’ve been doing, turns on healing genes, and stress turns them off. I didn’t want to risk stressing out and turning off the healing genes.

What is different now are a couple of things: For one, I’ve discovered an alternative treatment called Protocel (see the P.S. below) that is said to heal cancer about 50% of the time. The data and testimonials are very encouraging for all stages and types of cancer, so if I do still have cancer, I have a plan. (And, it is just possible that a scan will show that the cancer is already completely gone. How cool would that be!)

What else is different is that I no longer feel my attitude would plummet if I learned the cancer is still in me, at least not for long. I am willing to fully feel whatever waves of feelings come up and surf them back to solid ground where I remember I am loved, I am guided, I am watched over, and I am right where I’m supposed to be. One thing life has taught me is that my attitude creates heaven or hell and I am responsible for my attitude. As the saying goes, “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it.”

Tom and I were recently considering a trip to the beautiful island of Kauaii where we could stay for free for seven days in a timeshare gifted to us by dear friends. I started researching the island and found out it is a lush garden paradise, AND it is overrun by feral chickens and roosters! Some people think they’re funny little critters and aren’t bothered by them, some even think they’re beautiful, but others think that the constant cacophonous squawking and cockadoodle-dooing make it seem like little pointy-beaked devils have turned paradise into hell. It is all in the eyes and ears of the beholder. I am sensitive to noise and it would be a ‘hell’ of a challenge for me, but if I really wanted to I think I could reframe the little peckers into heavenly creatures! It all depends on what I choose to focus on.

It’s like the story about the Cherokee grandfather who is telling his grandchild about two wolves inside him. I’d like to tell you my version of that story: A Grandfather says to his grandchild, “A fight is going on inside me between two chickens. One chicken is always…well…feeling kind of chicken – worried and squawking and nit picking about every little thing. The other chicken is strutting its stuff, singing with joy, feeling like one of God’s beloved creatures, trusting it won’t be deep fried and become someone’s dinner, knowing that even if that happened, it is an eternal being and life will go on in another form. This same fight is going on inside of everyone.” His grandchild asked, “Which chicken will win, Grandfather?” The grandfather simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Even though I can be a big chicken at times, I can also be a brave chick filled with hope and faith – that is the one I intend to feed. But if the fearful chicken in me starts squawking, I will just love it, pet its ruffled feathers, allowing it to be where it is, until it calms down and transforms into the faith-filled chick that knows I am safe, I am loved, and all is well no matter what happens.

I don’t have much control over what happens in life but I do have control over how I choose to perceive and respond to it. I am ready to face what is happening in my body and will not chicken out on getting the PET scan, though I might squawk a little bit, it is kind of scary.  But I know I can cockadoodle do this! If the scan shows there’s no more cancer, I will crow about it from the rooftops! If there is cancer I will take the Protocel and if it works I will also crow about it for all to hear. If it doesn’t work, well then, I will fly the coop when the time comes, moving on to the next great adventure.

Do you have two chickens fighting inside you? Which one are you feeding? They’re both God’s children. Give them a hug from me.

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

P.S.

Protocel is an inexpensive, non-toxic liquid formula that thousands of people have used to successfully heal themselves of cancer. It was developed over the course of fifty years by an American chemist named Jim Sheridan, who as a teenager had a strong belief in God and miracles and he fervently prayed to be of service by discovering a cure for cancer. He began having dreams about a formula that eventually became Protocel. To read more about Protocel go to http://outsmartyourcancer.com/. Another great website is http://www.elonnamckibben.com/ (which contains an inspiring account of one woman’s experience with Protocel as well as an amazing account of Jim Sheridan’s journey with developing it, as told by his son).

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Jan 16 2011

The Blessing of Borrowed Time – Issue #65

Good news – what I thought was a possible tumor (and spreading cancer) turned out to be just a large pimple after all! It served as a reminder that I am living on borrowed time, and also reminded me that my situation is not grave…it’s gravy! Faced with possible imminent death, I am fully appreciating and tasting each moment and experiencing that time has magically slowed and expanded. As I’m immersed in the present, savoring it, I’m finding that this present is the gift that keeps on giving.

After the chemo and radiation treatment failed to completely eliminate my tumor nearly 6 months ago, I thought I was a goner, I thought my days were numbered and not a big number at that. I had a dental cleaning around that time and didn’t know if I’d be around for the next cleaning in 6 months. I wasn’t sure if I should even make an appointment. But next month it’s time for the cleaning and I am still here, feeling healthy and enjoying this groovy gravy grateful time.

My husband Tom told me that his father lived with that grateful attitude each and every day, ever since an incident that happened when he was a young man serving in World War II. One day during the war, he generously gave up his foxhole to another man and sought shelter elsewhere. The man in the foxhole was killed by an artillery shell. After that Tom’s father believed that there was nothing to worry about because from then on life was a gift, it was all gravy.

I’m feeling that too. Even though it is so strange not knowing what is happening in my body with the cancer, (Is it stable? On the move? Completely gone?!) I feel alert, awake, happy to be alive, wanting to learn all that I can while I’m still here on schoolhouse Earth, and feeling inspired to share what I’m learning. I also feel a great lessening of the fear that had gripped me before. I have accepted death and the possible pain involved, and have come to a place of peace with it all, a ‘bring it!” place. I know that I can do this. I can face whatever happens. I can feel whatever feelings come up. I don’t want to die, but I’ve accepted that I’m doing everything I can and if my number is up then it’s up. When the time comes, I can see myself going peacefully, knowing that it is my time to go, and believing that where I go from here is the next great adventure. In the meantime, I am making the most of this borrowed time.

The late great John Lennon wrote a song called “Borrowed Time” (included  on his last album) which was inspired by a sailing adventure he was on in the spring of 1980. He had been in a creative dry spell for five years and was feeling depressed and decided to shake up his life by sailing with a crew on a 42-foot sailboat from Newport, Rhode Island to Bermuda. Not long into the journey a severe, life-threatening storm with 20-foot waves and 65 mile an hour winds rendered everyone on board seasick, except John. He was an inexperienced sailor and felt terrified, but he was the only one who was well enough to sail the boat.

He recounted in a Playboy interview a few months after the incident: “So, I was there driving the boat for six hours, keeping it on course. I was buried under water. I was smashed in the face by waves for six solid hours. A couple of the waves had me on my knees. I was just hanging on with my hands on the wheel – it’s very powerful weather – and I was having the time of my life.”

He went on to say, “Once I accepted the reality of the situation, something greater than me took over and all of a sudden I lost my fear. I actually began to enjoy the experience and I started to shout out old sea shanties in the face of the storm, screaming at the thundering sky.”

When he got to Bermuda he said, “I was so centered after the experience at sea that I was tuned in, or whatever, to the cosmos. And all these songs came!” He had stepped up to the challenge, faced his fear, faced death, and came through it invigorated, enlivened and inspired to write the beautiful songs for his Double Fantasy album, which eventually won the Grammy for album of the year.

After that incident John realized that he was living on borrowed time and said, “come to think of it, that’s what we all are doing, even though most of us don’t like to face it.” He was killed just 6 months after that great awakening and brilliant outpouring of creativity, but I imagine that those 6 months were richly imbued with vivid aliveness and appreciation for the fragility and preciousness of life. I know that’s what I’m feeling about my life.

I believe that when someone as world renowned as John Lennon dies at such an early age, it is a great waker-upper for people, it’s a lovely parting gift, reminding us that this earth life is finite and let’s go for it, let’s prioritize, let’s live fully while we are alive.

As John said, we are ALL living on borrowed time. It’s all gravy. Are you fully tasting and savoring the gravy? Are you creating seeming catastrophes that are actually blessings in disguise, enhancing the flavor of your life, making it more delicious, exciting and purposeful? Here’s to a life fully lived and savored!

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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Oct 26 2010

Boo! Boo Hoo, Boo Boo – ONE with Everything – Issue #62

Right now I don’t know what the state of my cancer is, and I don’t want to know. Not knowing helps keep me focused on hope and healing. For the most part I feel fine, I am going about my life, doing my alternative treatments and thinking that maybe I’m going to be okay. I’ve taken up residence in the miracle prone zone, visualizing health and wholeness. There’s a bumper sticker that says, “Expect miracles.” I am expecting a miracle – that is, most of me is…then there’s the rest of me.

That’s the thing about not knowing for sure. There are times when I think I might be whistling in the dark, fooling myself, and I wonder if I’m living in a miracle or a mirage? Sometimes I’ll be going along doing just fine, then something happens that triggers a flood of fear and sadness as the awareness hits me, “I have cancer.”

I recently went to Pizza Guru (One with Everything) and had an unexpected melt down. I was happy to find a pizza place that used whole wheat crust. I’ve been staying away from white foods like bread, rice and pasta because when eaten they quickly turn into sugar, which feeds cancer. But when I arrived to pick up my pizza, I realized I’d forgotten to specify whole wheat crust and my pizza had white crust. I told the girl, “I can’t eat white,” and suddenly tears started rolling down my face. The poor girl thought I was crying about white crust, when actually I was struck with the deep sadness that I may have a terminal illness.

As they were making me a new pizza with whole wheat crust, I sat in the sanctuary of my car and let the dam burst — I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. It felt so good to let it out, like releasing emotional gas that had built up. As always, clarity, peace and calm followed and I became One with everything. Like Seth says, “Any feeling fully felt and experienced always leads you back to love.”

I recently joined a women’s empowerment group, which is a way to state my intention to the universe that I want to be here, on this planet, in this earthsuit known as Janet, to continue learning, growing, healing and helping. At first I held back sharing my circumstances with them, afraid that once I named it I’d be swept away in a river of tears. When I told them, sure enough the floods came, but passed through quickly, and once again I came to a place of calm strength.

Some people say you need to be 100% positive in order to manifest the positive results you want. They say don’t even think about cancer, don’t envision it, don’t give it energy. I can understand that reasoning, I know that what we focus on grows. But, at the same time, what we resist persists, and completely ignoring it turns it into the boogey man. Trying to wall it off and will it away is like pushing down a Jack-in-the-Box that will eventually POP UP with a big bad BOO! Or a big sad BOO HOO!

There are others, like Abraham Hicks and Bartholomew, who say that all you need is to be 51% positive, and that shifts the balance into an optimistic view and outcome. I can do that — I can do 51%. I’m learning that I can also welcome whatever feelings want to pop up, stop in, and pass through, even the BIG boo’s and boo-hoos. I trust that the fears and tears I thought might drown me DO move through easily when I allow them free passage, without resistance and story, bringing me to an empowered place of wholeness.

With Halloween approaching, it’s the perfect time for embracing our shadows, to bring them into the light and play with them. It’s a great time to dress up as our worst fears, our disowned parts, including our brilliance. Maybe I’ll dress up as a ravenous tumor, or the Grim Reaper, or the Queen of Denial, or…as a Pizza, One with Everything.

Do you have feelings you fear will engulf you if you let them out? I encourage you to invite them to the party, welcome your worst fears and highest aspirations and announce yourself as, “Party of ONE!”

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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Aug 30 2010

The Universe is Goosing Me! – Issue #58

“Our cells are constantly eavesdropping on our thoughts and being changed by them.” I love that quote by Deepak Chopra. It reminds me to be aware of my thoughts and the reality they are creating. Science has shown that our cells literally rearrange themselves according to our thoughts and attitudes. Our cells await our direction, and in the meantime they operate on old habitual programming.

I’m working with a cancer coach (consciouscancerjourney.com) who is providing me with tools that help me to intentionally create the life and state of being that I want. One of the tools is called Scripting, which involves taking time each morning to write down how I desire my day to go, to see my day and my health in positive possibilities as if it were already so. The physical act of writing these desires builds new neural pathways and my cells ‘eavesdrop’ on these affirmations and arrange themselves accordingly.

The days I have scripted have unfolded remarkably close to the script I laid out for that day. However, I was new to scripting and hadn’t made it a habit yet, and I started to forget to do it. Without conscious direction, old thought habits were starting to creep in. I recently awoke constricted in fear with a pain in my butt that had been aching throughout the night. This dull aching pain had been persistent lately. It is the same pain I’d once mistook for hemorrhoids, but my doctor told me that it is most probably referred pain from the site of the tumor. I’d been hoping that all my healing efforts were succeeding in eliminating or holding the cancer at bay (and that may be true, the pain could simply be referred pain from scar tissue from the radiation). However, fear of the worst-case scenario had me in its grip.

I fell into Tom’s arms as the ‘rains’ came, crying, naming my feelings and my worst fears. One of those is that I will die a painful, lingering death. I’m not afraid of death itself, but, as Woody Allen said, “I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” As I cried and acknowledged this fear, a clearing happened — the fear loosened its grip and the pain lessened, giving me the direct experience that fear makes the pain worse. When I’m tense and barely breathing, the pain increases, which makes me more tense, which makes the pain intensify, and so on until before I know it I’m all crunched up in a black hole of fear and pain.

I was feeling better and pain-free from ventilating my feelings, and continued to process with Tom. I told him that I’ve been thinking about going to a medical intuitive because I realize a part of me wants someone to see my energy field and recognize and acknowledge the value of my soul’s journey. I said to Tom, “I wonder what words I would love to hear her say? What higher truth would I love for her to see about me and this health challenge?” I imagined I was the medical intuitive telling me everything I’d love to hear. Here’s what ‘she’ told me:

“I see that you are a strong, courageous soul, facing your worst fears, making a stand in this lifetime to heal and integrate all of your unloved parts. I see your passion to become whole. I also see that you’ve already done a lot of work on yourself, healing yourself in many ways, and, now there is this one area that needs your loving attention. You are right where you’re supposed to be. You are loving yourself whole, and you are doing a great job!”

It’s natural for us to want all our hard work to be seen, and to have our magnificent Soul Self recognized and acknowledged by others — and, I realize that it’s most important that I recognize and acknowledge that about myself. Therefore, I’ve decided to include in my daily scripting an appreciation for the magnificence of my Big Soul Self.

During the day, if there is pain, I now use it to alert me that I’ve contracted into the little, fearful, pain-in-the-butt me, which reminds me to breathe, relax and return to the awareness of my Magnificent Big Soul Self! The pain is like the Universe goosing me, saying, “Unclench, breathe, stay awake and remember who you really are. Remember that you are loved and watched over. Remember that you are eternal. Remember that you are safe no matter what.” When I’m in that place of remembrance, I breathe easy, I relax, and the pain lessens or completely disappears.

One of my favorite passages from Bartholomew’s book, I Come As a Brother, is about putting fear into perspective. He says, “It is as though you injured your little finger but the rest of your body is all right…Isolate the fear into your ‘finger’ and call on the whole ‘body’ to clarify it.” I’m seeing the cancer in the same way – I’m putting it into perspective. It is not who I am, it is not all of me, it is not bigger than me; it is just a little bitty baby burr under my saddle reminding me to WAKE UP!

At this time I don’t know if the remaining tumor is shrinking, growing, spreading or staying the same. I know that I feel good physically (except for the occasional pain in the butt, which has lessened considerably). I am recovering from the chemo and radiation and feeling more strength and vitality every day. I have been scripting for that and it is so. I’ve now made the scripting a habitual part of my day and it has made a big difference in my sense of wellbeing, happiness and health.

Fear has been a ‘pain in the butt’ for me in this lifetime. I am facing and embracing it and using it to remind me that we are so much more than our bodies — we are big, bright, beautiful, eternal souls here to learn and grow and remember that we are big, bright, beautiful, eternal souls.

What script would you write for your ideal day? If someone could see who you really are — all your brilliance, all your hard work — what words of acknowledgement would you love to hear them say? Say them to yourself! Script them into your day. Then ‘goose’ yourself to stay awake and keep remembering all day long how magnificent, courageous and valuable you truly are!

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

P.S.

Here is my scripting for today:

Today I am feeling healthy, strong and full of joy and vitality. I eat vibrant foods that add to my health and energy. I feel comfortable and peaceful in my body. I am excited to send out my newsletter, seeing it go out to many people who are inspired and uplifted by it. I look forward to it reaching thousands of people, being of service, reminding others and myself of our true self, our magnificent, beautiful Big Soul Selves. I feel connected to all these people, to all the people in my life, feeling our oneness. I remember throughout the day that I am loved and guided and safe. I feel my partnership with Spirit. Today I rest in a state of grace, where everything I need comes to me easily. I feel happy and inspired and revitalized.

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Aug 15 2010

Freedom! – Issue # 57

I recently watched a new TV show called “The Big C” about a reserved woman (played by wonderful actress Laura Linney) who suddenly learns she has terminal cancer.  She realizes that time is precious, and this sets her free to change her life, to assert herself and do things she’d been too afraid and uptight to do. In a restaurant she declares, “I’m just having desserts and liquor.”

I’ve been experiencing a similar freedom. The thought that death could possibly be just around the corner liberates me to live with a certain amount of abandon. As the song says, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” I am free to not sweat the small stuff, to do only what I want to do, to focus on raising my vibration and living in the state of grace that I love so much.

Even though a part of me wants to really let loose and eat gooey desserts and drink liquor like Laura Linney’s character, I know that would debilitate my health (cancer loves sugar!) and knock me out of the state of grace place. I’m motivated by the dream that I can heal myself, or at least prolong my life; so instead of eating desserts and drinking liquor, I am eating lots of anti-cancer foods and drinking an herbal tea (from my Chinese Medicine doctor) that looks and tastes like it was scraped from the forest floor. I hold my nose when I drink it, and as I drink I affirm to myself, “This is powerful, healing medicine.”

James Dean said, “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die tomorrow.” I am dreaming and eating as if I’ll live forever and I am living and loving as if I’ll die tomorrow. I feast my eyes and soul on the beauty that surrounds me, the summer flowers, the Santa Barbara mountains and the beautiful people in my life. I don’t think I’d be enjoying such a feast if it weren’t for the cancer – or, as I am choosing to call it, “The burr under my saddle that woke me up.”

As friends from out of town stop by and visit with me, I know that it’s possible it may be the last time I see them. (That is true for all of us. Who knows what life will bring? It is so unpredictable.) Therefore, I really see and appreciate them and savor being in their presence and when we say goodbye to each other there is a depth and a sweetness to it.

I am valuing each moment. Whenever I think about death, I’m reminded that I am alive now. I am here now. Here and now is all there is. In this here and now I’m choosing to raise my vibration and let my light shine. At the end of the first episode of The Big C, the song that plays is, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.” That sums it all up perfectly. We are free at any time to fully allow our light to shine, and we don’t need life to turn on us in order to turn us on.

If you thought you might only have a short time to live, how would you let your light shine? What dream of yours would you be living? Do it now — “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die tomorrow.”

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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Aug 03 2010

State of Grace Place – Issue #56

I’ve been hanging out in a state of grace place. It’s the expanded energy field, the natural order of harmony and wholeness. It’s a place you go to when you pray, when you connect with your higher power and ask for divine intervention.

It is a transcendent place beyond mind, beyond reason, beyond physical, beyond what most doctors will tell you is possible. My doctor told me last week that though my tumor has been reduced in size, it will start growing again because that’s what tumors do — end of story. But in the state of grace place it’s not the end of the story. Miracles happen there. Healing happens there.

Dr. Leonard Laskow performed some fascinating experiments with cancer cells in petri dishes in which he held an intention as he focused on each dish. The intention that had the most success in stopping the growth of the cancer cells by 39% was when he affirmed and imagined, “The natural order is being reinstated and the cells growth is returning to normal.” I am motivated to focus on and cultivate that state of natural order and harmony, not only because I want to heal, but also because it feels good – it is a peaceful, magical place.

Being in a state of grace is being in the flow where synchronicity occurs, coincidences happen, just the right people, books, and events present themselves, and things work out better than I can imagine. It is the realm of unlimited possibilities — I also call it the Miracle-Prone Zone. I was recently stuck in the Moan and Groan Zone, feeling ravaged by the grueling chemo and radiation treatment. I realized that Cynny, my inner cynical one, was feeling burned out and pissy and she was holding me down. She was cynical about taking healthful actions — after all, she groused, they didn’t work before. But underneath the cynicism was a fear that if I tried and failed to heal myself I would be crushed in disappointment. I realized that I needed help.

As I cultivated the state of grace place, I was ‘led’ to a coach who has guided people for 20 years on conscious cancer journeys. My commitment to working with her helped get me back to a healing intention of eating healthy foods, taking supplements and, most important, shifting my attitude and letting myself believe that I could heal myself.

Next, in the flow of synchronicity, a friend sent me a link about antiangiogenesis foods that actually starve tumors, either causing them to shrink or halting further growth by eliminating their blood supply. I am now eating those foods abundantly with a new sense of hope and possibility. (See list at end of newsletter – great cancer preventative foods and also good for weight loss!)

This exciting grace place where anything is possible is where I want to live. However, though this place is becoming home base, I’m not always here. I take occasional forays to the rat race place where I’m scared, scrambling and frantic. The other day hundreds of ants had gathered in and around our cat’s food dish and I set about attacking the ants with the fervor of a mass murderer! It reminded me of the fear frenzy I sometimes feel towards the cancer. But when I notice I’m not breathing and my shoulders are hunched and my stomach is tight and it’s me against THEM, I take a deep breath and return to my home base state of grace, where natural order and peace are reinstated. (The ants have not returned).

Taking deep, slow breaths is one of the ways to enter a state of grace. Other ways are meditation, reading inspirational books, doing qigong, dancing, being with spiritual people, lying and aligning with my husband Tom as we breath together and reveal ourselves in the deep intimacy of ‘lying and truthing’, dropping into stillness and silence, being immersed in the present moment, walking in nature (a natural tuning fork for raising your vibration), and smiling (Starting My Internal Love Engine).

I am a gardener gardening my energy field, choosing to dwell in a state of grace. It’s the place to be. It feels like Home. From all that I’ve heard about death, it is the ultimate state of grace place. If I’m going Home soon, I’m getting a good taste of it (and for it) right now as I nestle into the welcoming embrace of grace. It’s possible that I may not be cured, but I will be healed and made whole. Of that I am certain.

What are ways you enter your state of grace place? I am wishing for all of you (and me) the magic and miracles that take place when we rest in the  loving embrace of grace.

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

ANTIANGIOGENESIS FOODS

(THAT INHIBIT TUMOR GROWTH AND FAT GROWTH)

Green Tea

Strawberries

Blackberries

Raspberries

Blueberries

Oranges

Grapefruit

Lemons

Apples

Pineapple

Cherries

Red Grapes

Red Wine

Bok Choy

Kale

Soybeans

Ginseng

Maitake Mushroom

Licorice

Turmeric

Nutmeg

Artichokes

Lavender

Pumpkin

Sea Cucumber

Tuna

Parsley

Garlic

Tomato

Olive Oil

Grape seed Oil

Dark Chocolate

Pomegranate

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