Nov 04 2009
The holidays are here! — otherwise known as the ‘hollow’days, ‘holler’days, ‘hell’idays, or ‘holy’days, depending on what frame of mind we’re in. It can be a challenging time of year for many, evoking and shining a spotlight on our painful core beliefs, family issues, and losses.
Years ago I dreaded the holidays. My mother lived 3000 miles away, and though my sister lives nearby, she’s a Jehovah’s Witness and doesn’t celebrate holidays. My friends were visiting their families. Therefore, I spent many holidays alone. This stimulated my painful core belief that said, “I am all alone in this world, I am unloved and unlovable.” This belief was accentuated by my imagining that everyone in the entire country was gathering with loved ones for a fun, festive Norman Rockwell holiday — except me, poor Lil’ Orphan Janny.
Over the years the warrior in me decided to adopt the orphan in me…and a new attitude. I decided to use the holidays as a time to reframe my core belief by focusing on Thanksgiving and Christmas day as a time to deeply connect with my spirit, to meditate, to walk in nature, to feel my oneness with All That Is and feel the love that surrounds me. I started looking forward to those peaceful, prayerful days, filled with gratitude and appreciation for the many gifts in my life. My feeling of “all alone in the world” transformed into feeling “all one with the world”, and my holiday misery became a holiday miracle.
I also realized that I could ask my sister and her kids to get together with me on those days for a few hours and do non-holiday things, like go to the movies. I therefore got to spend time with some of my favorite people in the world, by choice.
I think that choosing to feel loved opened the spigot of love, and a beautiful love flowed to me in the form of Tom. With Tom in my life, I thought, no more holidays alone. But the universe was about to give me a pop quiz. One of our first Thanksgivings together, Tom spent with his family in Minnesota and I chose not to go. I was happy and content to spend some time with him talking on the phone, hearing all about his holiday with his huge family. I waited for his call, but no call came. As day became night, there was still no call from him; I imagined him frolicking with his family having a great time…and forgetting all about little ol’ me, all alone. I started simmering and made myself ‘stew’ for Thanksgiving (complete with ‘Chopped Liver’)!
I eventually called him and shared some of my ‘stew’ with him. As we talked, I got clearer and realized that I could have called him at anytime. If I’d done that, my Lil’ Orphan Janny wouldn’t have gathered steam and ingredients for her ‘stew’. It was another holiday miracle — waking up and seeing my part in things, realizing that it is my choice to stew or to count my blessings, and it is my decision whether I want to burrow inward in anger and sadness or to reach out for connection.
Holidays for me have become a powerful time of healing and reframing painful core beliefs, a time of awakening to the awareness that I am the creator of my reality, not the victim of it, and a time of connecting with my higher power, remembering that I am loved and I am not alone.
What is your frame of mind about the holidays? Do you have any core beliefs or feelings of loss or lack that are accentuated during this time of year? If so, you can use the holidays as a time to blow your mind-set and engage your inner warrior to re-frame the hollow, holler, holidays into a holy day of remembrance of your magnificent, loved, beautiful Self. Wishing you a miraculous, mind-blowing holiday season!
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