Archive for September, 2010

Sep 29 2010

Forgiving & Forgetting Frees Us For Giving & For Getting – Issue #60

As part of my focus on deep healing, I’m reading a book called The Cancer Cleanse, which advocates that one of the most important things that needs to be cleansed is forgiveness, or rather unforgiveness. Holding onto emotional hurts creates an acidic state in the body, making it a breeding ground for cancer growth and other illnesses. It’s made me wonder if there are people I need to forgive.

I’m reading another book called Journey of Souls by Michael Newton. He is a hypnotherapist who has regressed thousands of people to the life-between-life state. Most people report that after they die they are welcomed by loved ones on the other side, often by their deceased parents. They exclaim, “Oh, there’s my beloved mother and father. How wonderful to see them again!” I sadly realized that I wouldn’t have that reaction to seeing my mother and father. I have a frozen image of my mother as a cold, refrigerator mom, and my father as a volatile, volcano dad.

Even though I’d thought that through all my years of personal growth work I’d forgiven them and accepted them as they were, I can see that my mind has locked them into those limited images. I know they were more than a fridge and a volcano; but unforgiveness is insidiously one dimensional, it locks in the bad image of people and locks out anything good about them.

When I was diagnosed with cancer and was about to send out my first newsletter about it, I was estranged from one of my longtime best friends. We’d had a fight and hadn’t spoken to each other for a couple months. In my mind she was the devil — I couldn’t remember what I’d ever liked about her. She was seeing me in that same negative light. It is so scary to me how our minds can obliterate, eviscerate and eliminate others like that, especially someone who has been so close to us.

But cancer softened me, it got me out of my steel-trap mind and into my broken open heart and loosened the grip of unforgiveness — I decided to include her on my newsletter list (she was not aware that I had cancer). As I pressed the button to send it out, in that same second I received an email from her! She wrote that she had a foreboding sense that something bad might have happened to me and wanted me to know that despite our differences she still loved me and wanted to know if I was alright.

That blew my mind and melted my heart. It was amazing to me that we had reached out to each other simultaneously. It shows how connected we are to the important people in our lives. As we reentered each other’s lives, I remembered how much I loved her. She has brought a richness and joy to my life that I would not be experiencing if I hadn’t moved beyond my frozen image of her. What a terrible loss that would have been.

A life-threatening illness is one way to shift us out of our closed mind into our open heart, but there are less drastic ways. My husband Tom told me that one of his mentors, Dick Olney, sometimes worked with people on their memories of their parents. He had them vividly imagine their parents the way they would’ve liked them to be, to really get into seeing and feeling it as if it were actually so. This helped melt the frozen image their minds were fixated on and allowed memories to flow of things they liked about their parents. The story they’d been stuck in was changed forever and they were free to have a new experience of their parents.

My cancer coach told me that another ‘unfreezing’ technique is to think of the person we are having a hard time forgiving and ask ourselves, “How would God (or our Higher Self) see this person?” It is said that forgiveness isn’t a one-time thing – it is a continual work in progress. I realize there are things I’m still forgiving myself for, like my own moments of fire and ice, times of volcanic eruptions and glacial reserve. What helps me most is to see myself from the sweet perspective and unconditional love of my Higher Self, to feel compassion for myself and know that I’m doing the best that I can.

I see this is true about my parents as well, and this expands my limited view of them. I’m remembering there was lots of playfulness, laughter and good times, I’m remembering that they did the best that they could, I’m remembering that they are a part of me and I am a part of them. (Michael Newton says that in his work regressing people to their life-between-life states he’s found that we actually CHOOSE our parents for all the learning and growth that they spur in us).

Ultimately, I know that the most important healing for me in this lifetime is not healing cancer… it is healing the feeling of being wronged, melting my frozen negative images of others, seeing it all as part of the plan to grow myself to wholeness, and learning to see myself and others the way God would.

I have learned that when I build a case against others I become imprisoned in that case. I am the one who is freed when I forgive — it is so much more fun and spacious living in an open heart than a closed mind. That’s where I’m aiming to be.

How about you? Are there people in your life you want to forgive? Ask yourself, “How does God (my Higher Self) see this person?” And when you need to forgive yourself, ask, “How does God (my Higher Self) see me?” Then serenade yourself with Joe Cocker’s song, “You Are So Beautiful to Me.”

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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Sep 05 2010

Life is a Wonderful Adventure! – Issue #59

Each morning when we let our kitties out, I watch them step cautiously over the threshold of the door, with their heads lowered, crouching as they look around the porch for hidden dangers. “Where is dat big black meany cat? Do yu see dat orange cat dat messes wid us?” They are scared but they want to go outside anyway and experience the great adventure that is life.

I am thrilled that we sprung the kitties from their safe prison (they were indoor cats for their first four years) and released them to the pleasures and terrors of the outside world. It’s so much fun watching them taste all of life, including rats, and having exciting explorations and glorious adventures.

“Life is where one goes to temporarily believe in death, fleetingly forget their power, and briefly have the Dickens scared out of them, voluntarily. All in the name of adventure.” (Mike Dooley, Notes from the Universe)  Life is a wonderful adventure and it is sometimes very scary, but oh so worth it — especially when we remember our power.

This morning I was reminded of that power. Tom held me in his arms and told me how much he loved having me in his life, how he loved my body and my soul, loved all of who I am and felt lucky to be with me. I took it in, marveling at this miracle in my life – a miracle I intentionally created.

For many years I longed to hear those words from someone, but I didn’t really believe I ever would. I remember when psychic Pamala Oslie told me about Tom years before he appeared in my life, describing him perfectly and saying, “He thinks you’re wonderful. He thinks you’re beautiful.” That was very hard for me to believe, and that was the problem — I needed to believe those things about myself before he could come into my life. I also needed to be willing to step over the threshold into the scary, exciting adventure that is love.

One day I decided that I was ready to take on that great adventure. I proclaimed to myself, “I am willing to do whatever it takes.” I was finally willing to face all the fears that relationship brought up for me, the terror of possible pain and abandonment, the fear of loss. I was willing to heal my heart and open to love. I turned all my energy and focus toward that mission, that great adventure, to love and be loved. I saturated my life with that purpose, I marinated in that goal, and the Universe responded by bringing me everything I needed for that great journey, including Tom!

Now, in present time, lying in Tom’s arms I thought, wouldn’t it be great to create another miracle, a healing miracle? I healed the blockage in my heart…I can heal this blockage in my belly in the same way.

I have stepped over the threshold into this cancer adventure and it is scary, exciting and awakening. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get the fullest learning and healing from this experience. I am marinating myself in love, healing energy, vibrant foods and high vibrations; consequently the Universe is flowing to me everything I need in order to heal — inspiring books, topnotch healers, and love and prayers from the beautiful people in my life. In the midst of cancer, I feel a sense of ease, trust and wellbeing — I call that a miracle!

How about you? Is there a threshold beckoning you to step over it? Do you remember the power you possess to create the scary, exciting, enlivening life of your dreams?  I am wishing for you a wonderful adventure!

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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