Archive for August, 2010

Aug 30 2010

The Universe is Goosing Me! – Issue #58

“Our cells are constantly eavesdropping on our thoughts and being changed by them.” I love that quote by Deepak Chopra. It reminds me to be aware of my thoughts and the reality they are creating. Science has shown that our cells literally rearrange themselves according to our thoughts and attitudes. Our cells await our direction, and in the meantime they operate on old habitual programming.

I’m working with a cancer coach (consciouscancerjourney.com) who is providing me with tools that help me to intentionally create the life and state of being that I want. One of the tools is called Scripting, which involves taking time each morning to write down how I desire my day to go, to see my day and my health in positive possibilities as if it were already so. The physical act of writing these desires builds new neural pathways and my cells ‘eavesdrop’ on these affirmations and arrange themselves accordingly.

The days I have scripted have unfolded remarkably close to the script I laid out for that day. However, I was new to scripting and hadn’t made it a habit yet, and I started to forget to do it. Without conscious direction, old thought habits were starting to creep in. I recently awoke constricted in fear with a pain in my butt that had been aching throughout the night. This dull aching pain had been persistent lately. It is the same pain I’d once mistook for hemorrhoids, but my doctor told me that it is most probably referred pain from the site of the tumor. I’d been hoping that all my healing efforts were succeeding in eliminating or holding the cancer at bay (and that may be true, the pain could simply be referred pain from scar tissue from the radiation). However, fear of the worst-case scenario had me in its grip.

I fell into Tom’s arms as the ‘rains’ came, crying, naming my feelings and my worst fears. One of those is that I will die a painful, lingering death. I’m not afraid of death itself, but, as Woody Allen said, “I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” As I cried and acknowledged this fear, a clearing happened — the fear loosened its grip and the pain lessened, giving me the direct experience that fear makes the pain worse. When I’m tense and barely breathing, the pain increases, which makes me more tense, which makes the pain intensify, and so on until before I know it I’m all crunched up in a black hole of fear and pain.

I was feeling better and pain-free from ventilating my feelings, and continued to process with Tom. I told him that I’ve been thinking about going to a medical intuitive because I realize a part of me wants someone to see my energy field and recognize and acknowledge the value of my soul’s journey. I said to Tom, “I wonder what words I would love to hear her say? What higher truth would I love for her to see about me and this health challenge?” I imagined I was the medical intuitive telling me everything I’d love to hear. Here’s what ‘she’ told me:

“I see that you are a strong, courageous soul, facing your worst fears, making a stand in this lifetime to heal and integrate all of your unloved parts. I see your passion to become whole. I also see that you’ve already done a lot of work on yourself, healing yourself in many ways, and, now there is this one area that needs your loving attention. You are right where you’re supposed to be. You are loving yourself whole, and you are doing a great job!”

It’s natural for us to want all our hard work to be seen, and to have our magnificent Soul Self recognized and acknowledged by others — and, I realize that it’s most important that I recognize and acknowledge that about myself. Therefore, I’ve decided to include in my daily scripting an appreciation for the magnificence of my Big Soul Self.

During the day, if there is pain, I now use it to alert me that I’ve contracted into the little, fearful, pain-in-the-butt me, which reminds me to breathe, relax and return to the awareness of my Magnificent Big Soul Self! The pain is like the Universe goosing me, saying, “Unclench, breathe, stay awake and remember who you really are. Remember that you are loved and watched over. Remember that you are eternal. Remember that you are safe no matter what.” When I’m in that place of remembrance, I breathe easy, I relax, and the pain lessens or completely disappears.

One of my favorite passages from Bartholomew’s book, I Come As a Brother, is about putting fear into perspective. He says, “It is as though you injured your little finger but the rest of your body is all right…Isolate the fear into your ‘finger’ and call on the whole ‘body’ to clarify it.” I’m seeing the cancer in the same way – I’m putting it into perspective. It is not who I am, it is not all of me, it is not bigger than me; it is just a little bitty baby burr under my saddle reminding me to WAKE UP!

At this time I don’t know if the remaining tumor is shrinking, growing, spreading or staying the same. I know that I feel good physically (except for the occasional pain in the butt, which has lessened considerably). I am recovering from the chemo and radiation and feeling more strength and vitality every day. I have been scripting for that and it is so. I’ve now made the scripting a habitual part of my day and it has made a big difference in my sense of wellbeing, happiness and health.

Fear has been a ‘pain in the butt’ for me in this lifetime. I am facing and embracing it and using it to remind me that we are so much more than our bodies — we are big, bright, beautiful, eternal souls here to learn and grow and remember that we are big, bright, beautiful, eternal souls.

What script would you write for your ideal day? If someone could see who you really are — all your brilliance, all your hard work — what words of acknowledgement would you love to hear them say? Say them to yourself! Script them into your day. Then ‘goose’ yourself to stay awake and keep remembering all day long how magnificent, courageous and valuable you truly are!

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

P.S.

Here is my scripting for today:

Today I am feeling healthy, strong and full of joy and vitality. I eat vibrant foods that add to my health and energy. I feel comfortable and peaceful in my body. I am excited to send out my newsletter, seeing it go out to many people who are inspired and uplifted by it. I look forward to it reaching thousands of people, being of service, reminding others and myself of our true self, our magnificent, beautiful Big Soul Selves. I feel connected to all these people, to all the people in my life, feeling our oneness. I remember throughout the day that I am loved and guided and safe. I feel my partnership with Spirit. Today I rest in a state of grace, where everything I need comes to me easily. I feel happy and inspired and revitalized.

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Aug 15 2010

Freedom! – Issue # 57

I recently watched a new TV show called “The Big C” about a reserved woman (played by wonderful actress Laura Linney) who suddenly learns she has terminal cancer.  She realizes that time is precious, and this sets her free to change her life, to assert herself and do things she’d been too afraid and uptight to do. In a restaurant she declares, “I’m just having desserts and liquor.”

I’ve been experiencing a similar freedom. The thought that death could possibly be just around the corner liberates me to live with a certain amount of abandon. As the song says, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” I am free to not sweat the small stuff, to do only what I want to do, to focus on raising my vibration and living in the state of grace that I love so much.

Even though a part of me wants to really let loose and eat gooey desserts and drink liquor like Laura Linney’s character, I know that would debilitate my health (cancer loves sugar!) and knock me out of the state of grace place. I’m motivated by the dream that I can heal myself, or at least prolong my life; so instead of eating desserts and drinking liquor, I am eating lots of anti-cancer foods and drinking an herbal tea (from my Chinese Medicine doctor) that looks and tastes like it was scraped from the forest floor. I hold my nose when I drink it, and as I drink I affirm to myself, “This is powerful, healing medicine.”

James Dean said, “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die tomorrow.” I am dreaming and eating as if I’ll live forever and I am living and loving as if I’ll die tomorrow. I feast my eyes and soul on the beauty that surrounds me, the summer flowers, the Santa Barbara mountains and the beautiful people in my life. I don’t think I’d be enjoying such a feast if it weren’t for the cancer – or, as I am choosing to call it, “The burr under my saddle that woke me up.”

As friends from out of town stop by and visit with me, I know that it’s possible it may be the last time I see them. (That is true for all of us. Who knows what life will bring? It is so unpredictable.) Therefore, I really see and appreciate them and savor being in their presence and when we say goodbye to each other there is a depth and a sweetness to it.

I am valuing each moment. Whenever I think about death, I’m reminded that I am alive now. I am here now. Here and now is all there is. In this here and now I’m choosing to raise my vibration and let my light shine. At the end of the first episode of The Big C, the song that plays is, “This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.” That sums it all up perfectly. We are free at any time to fully allow our light to shine, and we don’t need life to turn on us in order to turn us on.

If you thought you might only have a short time to live, how would you let your light shine? What dream of yours would you be living? Do it now — “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die tomorrow.”

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

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Aug 03 2010

State of Grace Place – Issue #56

I’ve been hanging out in a state of grace place. It’s the expanded energy field, the natural order of harmony and wholeness. It’s a place you go to when you pray, when you connect with your higher power and ask for divine intervention.

It is a transcendent place beyond mind, beyond reason, beyond physical, beyond what most doctors will tell you is possible. My doctor told me last week that though my tumor has been reduced in size, it will start growing again because that’s what tumors do — end of story. But in the state of grace place it’s not the end of the story. Miracles happen there. Healing happens there.

Dr. Leonard Laskow performed some fascinating experiments with cancer cells in petri dishes in which he held an intention as he focused on each dish. The intention that had the most success in stopping the growth of the cancer cells by 39% was when he affirmed and imagined, “The natural order is being reinstated and the cells growth is returning to normal.” I am motivated to focus on and cultivate that state of natural order and harmony, not only because I want to heal, but also because it feels good – it is a peaceful, magical place.

Being in a state of grace is being in the flow where synchronicity occurs, coincidences happen, just the right people, books, and events present themselves, and things work out better than I can imagine. It is the realm of unlimited possibilities — I also call it the Miracle-Prone Zone. I was recently stuck in the Moan and Groan Zone, feeling ravaged by the grueling chemo and radiation treatment. I realized that Cynny, my inner cynical one, was feeling burned out and pissy and she was holding me down. She was cynical about taking healthful actions — after all, she groused, they didn’t work before. But underneath the cynicism was a fear that if I tried and failed to heal myself I would be crushed in disappointment. I realized that I needed help.

As I cultivated the state of grace place, I was ‘led’ to a coach who has guided people for 20 years on conscious cancer journeys. My commitment to working with her helped get me back to a healing intention of eating healthy foods, taking supplements and, most important, shifting my attitude and letting myself believe that I could heal myself.

Next, in the flow of synchronicity, a friend sent me a link about antiangiogenesis foods that actually starve tumors, either causing them to shrink or halting further growth by eliminating their blood supply. I am now eating those foods abundantly with a new sense of hope and possibility. (See list at end of newsletter – great cancer preventative foods and also good for weight loss!)

This exciting grace place where anything is possible is where I want to live. However, though this place is becoming home base, I’m not always here. I take occasional forays to the rat race place where I’m scared, scrambling and frantic. The other day hundreds of ants had gathered in and around our cat’s food dish and I set about attacking the ants with the fervor of a mass murderer! It reminded me of the fear frenzy I sometimes feel towards the cancer. But when I notice I’m not breathing and my shoulders are hunched and my stomach is tight and it’s me against THEM, I take a deep breath and return to my home base state of grace, where natural order and peace are reinstated. (The ants have not returned).

Taking deep, slow breaths is one of the ways to enter a state of grace. Other ways are meditation, reading inspirational books, doing qigong, dancing, being with spiritual people, lying and aligning with my husband Tom as we breath together and reveal ourselves in the deep intimacy of ‘lying and truthing’, dropping into stillness and silence, being immersed in the present moment, walking in nature (a natural tuning fork for raising your vibration), and smiling (Starting My Internal Love Engine).

I am a gardener gardening my energy field, choosing to dwell in a state of grace. It’s the place to be. It feels like Home. From all that I’ve heard about death, it is the ultimate state of grace place. If I’m going Home soon, I’m getting a good taste of it (and for it) right now as I nestle into the welcoming embrace of grace. It’s possible that I may not be cured, but I will be healed and made whole. Of that I am certain.

What are ways you enter your state of grace place? I am wishing for all of you (and me) the magic and miracles that take place when we rest in the  loving embrace of grace.

In Love,

Jan Jacobsen

ANTIANGIOGENESIS FOODS

(THAT INHIBIT TUMOR GROWTH AND FAT GROWTH)

Green Tea

Strawberries

Blackberries

Raspberries

Blueberries

Oranges

Grapefruit

Lemons

Apples

Pineapple

Cherries

Red Grapes

Red Wine

Bok Choy

Kale

Soybeans

Ginseng

Maitake Mushroom

Licorice

Turmeric

Nutmeg

Artichokes

Lavender

Pumpkin

Sea Cucumber

Tuna

Parsley

Garlic

Tomato

Olive Oil

Grape seed Oil

Dark Chocolate

Pomegranate

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